The Wish to Grow

The Wish to Grow

by AnandaMa Sims

Karma can have deep roots, like a dandelion. We may think we have pulled out the dandelion, but even if a little bit of the root remains it may grow if given a chance. I falsely believed that a current deep-rooted karmic health pattern was resolved. But then, those tiny roots can be insidious and subtle.

During a recent meditation at Shoshoni,  I realized I am cultivating these roots at a very subtle, unconscious level to the point, they have begun to manifest in my body as an ongoing cold and flu. Even though this insight arose from a deep place inside me, I had doubts. I mostly questioned it because the remedy to change the pattern, then, was in my control. I didn’t want to take responsibility and I didn’t want to do the work to correct it. Ironically, I thought to do the work was too stressful. Ha!

I took some time to focus on Rudi and the Wish to Grow deciding to try deeper internal work and see what happened. It is an understatement to say that the internal conflict of ‘to do’ or ‘not to do’ the work was a struggle. I had a lot of resistance, but then the alternative would be to experience more of the same health issue.

So, I took the first step and called on the strongest Ganesh mantra!  It was hard to choose to grow and let go of my tensions, but slowly I began to feel better.  It was amazing to me that when I focused deeply on mantra, I physically felt better. At first, I thought I was imagining the improvement, but I kept at it.  During the day when I would go unconscious and step back into my unhealthy pattern I could literally feel my body reacting.

The pattern of letting anxiety and stress seep into my subtle body and then impact me physically is a deep samskara. However, I now have more confidence in my internal work and am one step closer to resolving this long-held karmic pattern. Like the plant health experiment where the healthy plant receives energy of loving kindness and the weak unhealthy plant receives energy of hate and anger, with mantra I have started redirecting and choosing more positive thoughts. Paul Reps wrote, “Where attention goes, energy flows.” It helps when I think of the wish to grow as a reminder to pay attention to my health and to consciously send myself vibrations for healing!